Trading Feathers for Thorns
by xxxFernmist's Lullabyxxx
Summary: We always hear about kits becoming apprentices, then warriors, and then dyingg, right? But what do their mothers think? Here, we see Ashlight's feelings about her kits growing up. A one-shot for the Warriors Challenge Forum. The challenge is To Leave the Nest, and was made by monkeyCsaw/Ravenflight. Rated K though their are serious injuries, so beware. R&R! If you want of course.


"I'm becoming an apprentice without Longkit and Smallkit?" the kit cried, fluffing up her long pelt, "but… but I can't! I want to be with them when I become an apprentice!" Her sparkling blue eyes were showing increasing pain and grief.

Ashlight groomed her distressed kit's light grey and black fur, smoothing it down again. Longkit and Smallkit had died that morning due to greencough. Ashlight had wanted break down and wail when Shadesong, the medicine cat, had given her the news, but she couldn't in front of Crowkit. She had then told Crowkit in the gentlest way she could think of, but she had withdrawn herself to the farthest corner of the nursery, ripping the moss to shreds and murmuring in grief to herself. It had taken all morning for Ashlight and another queen, Webleaf, to pry her from the corner, and then explain the apprentice ceremony.

She had lost three kits now. The third, Lostpaw, had been taken by a young hawk when the kits were only three moons old, and was renamed from Jaykit as leaving her name as a bird seemed cruel. Even though she wasn't there, the kits' father, Cedarstar, had given her an apprentice name, as she had deserved it. She was the strongest, both mentally and physically, of the kits, and had put up as much of a fight as any kit could manage. Neither Ashlight nor Cedarstar wanted her to miss out on something so important, and they didn't want it for the other kits either, so Longkit and Smallkit would each be named apprentices along with Crowkit, even though they wouldn't be there, since this was the day it was supposed to happen.

This had all made Crowkit depressed, losing all of her siblings, but it had hurt Ashlight most. She didn't want Crowkit to leave the nursery behind. She wanted to always to have her curled up in the den, where Ashlight could protect her; where she wouldn't meet the same fate as the other kits. She was extremely protective, and when the hawk had taken Lostpaw, she swore to protect all of her other kits, but she had failed. She would have died herself if it would have saved her. She even wished it wasn't her kits, but her that died of greencough. She had lived long enough, but they hadn't. They hadn't experienced the thrill of learning to hunt and fight.

Ashlight curled her tail around Crowkit, "I'm sorry. They'll become apprentices at the same time as you, though. They might even be there to see it. Maybe Lostpaw, too."

Crowkit shook her head and buried her face in her mother's chest, "No, this is awful! I don't want to become an apprentice without them! I want to stay here!" she cried out, her voice muffled by the smoky-grey fur.

Ashlight was sharing her pain, but she couldn't show that in front of her daughter. She leaned down and touched her nose to Crowkit's, "I know, I know, but you have to do this. You have to, for ShadowClan and for Lostpaw, Smallkit, and Longkit."

Crowkit flattened her ears, locking her gaze on the ground. She was about to reply when Cedarstar pushed his dark grey head in, blinking his blue eyes, which were warm and open, "It's time, Crowkit."

Crowkit pricked her ears, hearing her father, and bounded over to him, "Now?"

He smiled, "Yes, now." He glanced up at Ashlight, "Come on. The clan has already gathered."

Ashlight pushed out of the nursery after Crowkit, who was trying her best to look excited, though she didn't have the most convincing fake smile.

"Onepaw! Longpaw! Smallpaw!" the clan chanted as loud as they could. Onepaw was standing beside Cedarstar on the lowest branch in ShadowClan's High-Tree. She was smiling, this time a real smile. She was renamed for her survival, being the only kit of her litter left. It was a bit cruel, but Ashlight and Cedarstar had agreed it was a better, more fitting name for her. The new apprentice didn't seem to mind it at all. She just kept smiling.

Ashlight wasn't sure why she smiled, but when she looked at the roots of the tree, where Onepaw was focusing most on, she found the spot where she saw a trio of cats, around the age of a full-grown kit: a blue she-cat, amber eyes showing wisdom, a ginger she-cat straining to keep still, dark blue eyes showing excitement and playfulness, and a smoky-grey tom, icy blue eyes calm and collected, though they showed affection for the two cats on the branch. He was the one who had inherited his mother's traits. All three had glittering fur, with permanent sparks littering their fluffy kit fur that wasn't completely grown out, just like Onepaw. They were lined up, more formal than Ashlight remembered them, smiling up at their sister. Ashlight had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from calling out to them.

Onepaw leaped down with her father and flicked her tail over Lostpaw's blue shoulder and led each kit over to their mother, her eyes sparkling.

Ashlight curled her tail around each of them. She looked at her kits, three she-cats and the one tom, Longpaw, and smiled widely, "Congratulations…" She trailed off as her dead kits disappeared in front of her, one by one, each with a look that said they wanted to stay longer. She sighed, but pulled Onepaw close with her tail, touching her nose to the new apprentice's and licked her remaining kit's forehead, "Congratulations Onepaw."

"Onemark! Smallfire! Longstep! Lostpath!"

It felt like only a moon ago the clan was calling her apprentice name. Now, Ashlight's only kit was a warrior for serving her Clan for so long. Now, she would risk death in battles, and this made Ashlight extremely worried. She had lost her other kits. She didn't want to lose the last. And she wouldn't. She would hold onto her and never let go, as if she were a kit trying to sneak out of the nursery. But Onemark had escaped twice now, at her ceremonies. She was on the branch with her father again, with that same smile glued to her face. This time it was more playful, more like a grin, and her eyes glittered. They showed immense excitement.

It was true, that Onemark had gotten a bit out of it when she was an apprentice. She had talked to her littermates often, as they visited her a lot, but was that normal?

The other three of her litter were at the roots of the tree, like last time. Nobody but Ashlight and Onemark could see them, could sense them, even.

Onemark once again led them over to their mother. They had all grown so much, and when they reached Ashlight, she realized they were around her height now. She let a flicker of sadness run through her eyes and she flattened her ears back, smiling sadly.

"Congra-" she started again, but they were already vanishing, just like they had at the apprentice ceremony. Lostpath opened her mouth to say something, leaning forward and extending a paw. She barely felt her daughter's paw on her shoulder and their noses touch before she vanished. Then Longstep, the only tom, licked his mother's cheek, and then brushed his muzzle lightly against his hers before vanishing as well. Smallfire soon followed, giving Ashlight and Onemark a sad look before materializing into the air, leaving small stars from her ginger pelt to linger a bit longer before they disappeared. They still had to go before they wanted to.

Ashlight hooked her neck around Onemark's, rested her chin just above her kit's shoulder-blade. She wrapped her tail around Onemark's leg, holding her close; binding her.

"I should get ready for my vigil. It getting late," Onemark tried to pull away, gesturing toward the sky with her tail, which was mixing in colors, varying from cream to yellow to orange to purple, forming a sort of rainbow around the fast-setting sun, missing some of its colors.

Ashlight shook her head, stiffening her neck and tightening her tail, "No."

Onemark stared at her mother out of the corner of her eye, a crease forming on her forehead. She sighed and rested her head on Ashlight's shoulder, closing her eyes.

Ashlight smiled and closed her eyes as well, sealing herself off from the world to enjoy this moment. She would protect Onemark no matter what it took, even if she was killed in the process. This one would live. This one would not die as easily as the others.

"_She never came…" "I don't know what's happened to her." "Where could she have gone?" Why isn't she here yet?" "I couldn't find her."_

Each sound-bite flashed through her mind as she stood there, crouched, teeth bared, claws digging into the ground.

Webleaf was crouched as well, ears flattened against her head, whimpering. She was only a rabbit-length away from Ashlight, silky grass running across her belly, blowing and bending in the breeze that had turned into a violent storm. Her green eyes were sparkling with fear of the she-cat before her.

Drops of rain raced down from the clouded skies, stinging Ashlight's muzzle on impact. Her fur was soaked and had been turned downward, forming points at the end of each clump of fur. Her blue eyes burned in hatred toward her best friend, sending invisible daggers of ice straight for her.

Webleaf closed her eyes and shrieked, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" She turned away, rain running down her white face.

Ashlight let a deep growl escape her throat, "You couldn't find my daughter! You couldn't find Onemark!" she hissed, fury blazing through her eyes.

A bright ginger-red she-cat dashed between the two, and stopped to face Ashlight, meeting her gaze evenly, and holding it, her own stare hard. She was followed by a tom with smoky-grey fur and Irish-green eyes who copied the she-cat, blocking Ashlight's view of their mother.

Rosestorm was first to speak, "Ashlight, we know your upset." She paused, allowing time for Ashlight to react. The queen didn't.

Cloversmoke continued where his sister had left off, "But you can't blame our mother for the disappearance of Onemark!"

Ashlight snarled at them, "Yes I can! It's her fault for not returning with my daughter!" She flattened her ears, "She should have returned with her. She went to retrieve her, so it's her fault!" Anger was bubbling up inside of her, threatening to spill out and send her on a rampage. Something held her back though. She looked down, avoiding their eyes, "And she didn't disappear! Webleaf didn't make it to her in time! They took her. They got there first and took her," she wailed, anger subsiding and making room for sadness and regret.

Onemark had already become a bit out of it, but her siblings' constant visits had driven her insane. She had become another cat. She hadn't been Ashlight's daughter, but she still had to protect her. Ashlight had sworn her last kit would survive, and she would make it happen. But the warrior had broken away, had escaped her sight long enough to die. To expire. To leave Ashlight forever.

Ashlight had watched Onemark break into the ceremony Cedarstar had attempted. She remembered it so clearly.

"_We've gathered here at the High-Branch to name two new apprentices. Mosskit? Briarkit? Will you please step for-" the tom began the ceremony but was cut short when his daughter drunkenly climbed the tree, delirious with madness as had become normal for her._

_Onemark pushed him to the side, her eyes cloudy as a small, twisted grin grew on her face._

_The clan was showing different variations of confusion on their faces, while some were worried about their leader._

_Cedarstar was almost pushed to the ground, as he always spoke at the edge of the branch. He slipped off, but gripped the bark with his black claws. He swung his hind-legs up to the bottom-side of the branch, and then carefully pulled himself up beside Onemark. He opened his mouth, but the she-cat ran her tail over it to stop him from speaking._

_He did anyway, "Onemark! You know it's disrespectful to interrupt a Clan leader, and I'm your father! Pushing me off the High-Branch is a crime in itself; I could have been injured!" he growled at her, tail lashing._

_Onemark stared blankly at the Clan, as if she hadn't heard her father, but maybe she hadn't. She looked the crowd over, and then seemed to confirm something in her head. She shook her head like a dog would, messing up her fur, although in hadn't been very kempt to begin with and raised a paw; it was as if she was about to point at something, but she just held it there ,risen slightly above her chest and extended half-way, "I have something important to say."_

"_It couldn't have waited until you had proper permission, or until after the kits' ceremony was over?" Cedarstar hissed right next to her ear._

_The kits' mother, Sagewing, looked especially upset, with her tabby fur bristling, but she didn't dare speak out._

_Onemark ignored any reactions and continued. She locked gazes with Blackember, Webleaf's only living kit, "Blackember, you've been a good friend to me, and many others, and it was fun to have you. It was fun to have you all, and I feel sorry about this, but for now, I bid you a goodbye." She finished with a wide grin and ducked her head._

_Cedarstar's eyes showed immense confusion, but he let out a snarl, "Now that your done with whatever that was, get down!" He didn't even care about her goodbye. He dismissed the whole speech as one of her crazy antics._

_Onemark smirked and opened her eyes to look up at him, "With pleasure," she answered, loud enough for everyone to hear. She closed her eyes again, let out a crazed laugh and dove forward. She curled her spine, hooking her paws in the air, with her hind paws above the rest of her body, the back of her neck facing the ground. She crashed into the hard ground with a sickening _thud_ and _crack_, right in front of Mosskit and Briarkit._

_Mosskit stared at the dead cat in front of her, bright green eyes widened with fear. She was completely frozen, unable to react to the scene she had just witnessed. Every brown, spotted, hair on her pelt stood on end but didn't move, as if covered in frost, which wouldn't have been surprising, considering the season._

_Briarkit let out a wail, throwing herself to the ground, closing her eyes and covering her ears with her brown tabby paws._

_Sagewing rushed forward and quickly coaxed her kits to the medicine cat den, finding a place for them to hide from the scene. She whispered soft words to the shaking kits as the medicine cat, Ravenmask, followed, ready to prepare a mix of poppy seeds and chewed up thyme leaves for their shock._

_Blackember gulped and stepped toward her friend. She began to groom her fur, and that was the last thing Ashlight saw before she headed back to StarClan to inform everyone. It took a while for a cat to leave their body, so she couldn't bring her back yet. Plus, a cat was chosen to retrieve a dead cat._

Ashlight closed her eyes and collapsed on the ground. She wasn't mad at Webleaf. She was mad at her kits.

They had gotten their first. They had coaxed their insane sister to the Dark Forest before Webleaf got there. The kits hadn't actually visited from StarClan after all, and Ashlight had learned this when she had died. She didn't know why they were there, but she knew for a fact they were happy. They were _traitors._

She opened her eyes again when she felt Cloversmoke and Rosestorm's tongues rasping over her fur, calming her. She looked up, letting her eyes drift to the dark trees at the end of the hunting grounds. She saw the individually colored pelts lined up against the misty background, each of their eyes flashing.

First went Longstep. He had been most disrespectful. He was kind, but had been pretty rude most of the time.

Second was Lostpath. She didn't miss a beat in her steps, pushing through the brush behind them.

Then, Smallfire. She couldn't help but look at her mother for a few heartbeats, hesitating. She had always been the sweetest kit during her short life, as well as the smallest. She had wanted to be a medicine cat, but Silvershadow, the former medicine cat, hadn't saved her or Longstep from greencough in time.

Finally, there was Onemark. She didn't have that awry look about her anymore. Had her mental health risen when she died? She still had that emotionless look in her eyes, though. It was hard to believe she had been the little, disappointed kit in the nursery; that she had been Crowkit. But she wasn't. This wasn't Crowkit. This wasn't the cat Ashlight had raised, loved, and protected all her life. That wasn't her kit that followed Smallfire into the forest, and neither were the others.

(Wow. It was only a one-shot, yet it took me so long to write. I guess I got distracted quite a bit. Oh well. It was fun to write. Oh! And this was for monkeyCsaw (Ravenflight)'s challenge on the Warriors Challenge Forum, which was called To Leave the nest. I hope you enjoyed and feel free to review!)


End file.
